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At that moment, I could think of many hurtful things that happen to us that are beyond our control, causing us much anguish, heartache, and misery. Because of the adverse circumstances some of us have endured, we are often left in a state of despair or despondency, devoid of hope that we will ever recover or be fully healed. READ MORE

Not long after my loss, some people brought up the subject of “finding closure.” I was able to move forward in my grief only when I stopped looking for closure and started looking for hope.

On December 7, 2003, life for me as I knew it came to a screeching halt: our healthy unborn son, just 4 days shy of his due date, died from strangulation after getting entangled in his umbilical cord.

My husband and I got married late in life, and we thought this window was closed to us because of my age. However I got pregnant a number of times. Each pregnancy ended in miscarriage. Finally, we accepted that this was not to be, and we made the decision to move on with our lives.
READ MORE

How much "Energy" we have at any given time has a huge impact on the quality of our lives. As a motivational speaker, I often present my "Energy For Life" topics to teach people how NOT TO WASTE their energy needlessly. In my presentations, I ask people to make a list of things that drain their energy. READ MORE

I have been a RPN for 23 years, and I have loved every minute of my job. For the last 13 years of my nursing career, I have worked on a 12-bed Hospice/Palliative Care Unit. Working on this unit has changed my life. I had no idea when I took this new job that the road I was on would be so incredible and life changing. Working with the terminally ill and their families has been an honour.

I had been working on the Palliative Care Unit for two weeks when I passed by a patient’s room. She was standing in the doorway with her two-year-old son on her hip. She was very thin - I wondered how she could hold him. I stopped to admire her child. We talked for a few minutes and I found out that my daughter Bailey and her son where exactly the same age, born only two days apart.

I thought to myself, “that could be me standing in the doorway. I am no different from this young woman. Who would help my two children if something happened to me?” My husband is wonderful, but he would be overwhelmed looking after two young children. I would want someone to help - someone to reach out to them in their time of grief. READ MORE

It has been said that men and women come from different planets. I believe when it comes to loss, we all come from the same place. I call it the land of cherished memories, unfulfilled dreams, and broken hearts. Having said that, I think men and women, although from the same place, tend to travel different paths.

Some experts suggest that the difference between masculine and feminine grieving techniques may be affected by physiological factors. As an example, when it comes to the production of tears, it has been noted that diminishing levels of specific hormones in males has an effect on the volume of tears shed by men compared to the greater volume shed by women.

Research also indicates that the differences in the physical brain structure of men and women may have an effect on our grieving patterns. This being the case, it may explain why women seem more articulate in the expression of their feelings. READ MORE

Isn’t it funny how when people first meet, they want to find a way to place each other in a frame of reference? I remember in university that the first thing you asked a new acquaintance was, “What’s your major?” As a teacher, the first thing I want to know when I meet another teacher is what grade they teach. At a recent conference, I realized that as part of the ABI community, the first thing everyone wants to know is how you got your injury. This has always created a bit of a problem for me. You see, I do have a brain injury that has profoundly affected my life and the lives of people around me, but I didn’t spend even one night in a hospital. I was never in a coma, and I never struggled bravely to come back from the brink of death.

Telling my story often makes me feel like I shouldn’t complain at all. I was on my way to work one beautiful fall morning when I stopped at a traffic light. I waited for the light to turn green and proceeded into the intersection. A van traveling to my right did not see the red light and struck my car. I was pushed about a hundred feet and was knocked unconscious. I remember coming to and hearing the sounds of the rescue workers. I remember looking at the ceiling of the ambulance and answering the paramedics questions. I knew who I was and I knew that I had a wife and four kids to get home to. I also remember feeling like I had to get to work. I was very worried that no one would be there to meet my class when the bell rang. READ MORE

by Melanie Rosa

Dealing with grief is never easy. When it comes to a loss due to suicide it often complicates things even further. In fact, Suicide grief is often referred to as complicated grief. This means that not only do those who have lost a loved one due to suicide have to deal with all the pain and grief that is associated with loss, they may also have very intense feelings of guilt, responsibility, and anger. On top of these feelings they have to cope with the negative stigma that is often attached to suicide. Many people don’t understand suicide, and what it means to have lost someone who completed suicide. A loss due to suicide can be one of the most difficult and traumatic things that a person may experience in their lifetime. That is why someone who is struggling with type of loss is called a suicide survivor.

Did you notice that the word suicide was used many times in the previous paragraph? That was done intentionally. Why? Suicide is not a bad word. It is not something that should be whispered. It’s not shameful, or sinful, or bad. Suicide is difficult, traumatic, and definitely not easy to talk about. There is much pain tied into suicide: the pain of the person who died, and the pain of the loved ones who lost them. You can almost understand why people don’t want to talk about it. But if we don’t talk about it, we can’t heal from it, and we can’t prevent it from happening to someone else. The word suicide often makes people uncomfortable, and if you are reading this and lost someone in this way, part of you may feel that you wished people could have talked about it more openly. If more people were comfortable talking about suicide, perhaps more people would be willing to get help before it’s too late. READ MORE

We were devastated. Nothing we experienced before could have prepared us for this. We went from picking out baby clothes to choosing a casket. Our family and friends were left trying to imagine how best to help us as we all struggled with this unexpected loss.
READ MORE

Baby Boomers are in for a shock!!! We may think that we are prepared for the sadness that will accompany our parents' death. In fact we are usually totally unprepared for this life experience. To lose the people in your life that have always been there and know you the best is a life-altering event.

I was sure that I understood the pain that would accompany the eventual death of my mother. Professionally I was a nurse and involved in palliative care and bereavement counselling so I was sure that I was prepared. I was wrong!!

I quickly realized that this experience could only be described as a total assault on your being. You experience both psychological and physical symptoms that are confusing and disturbing. I became concerned about my friends who had not yet experienced this pain.

This generation has had an enormous impact on many of our cultural and societal norms. This will be no exception!! Baby Boomers have had many advantages compared with previous generations but limited experience with suffering the consequences of events such as world wars and depression.

Grief causes physical and emotional pain. Baby Boomers have come to expect instant pain relief in this fast paced society. They are impatient with pain but unfortunately there isn't a quick fix for the pain of grief.

Unfortunately Baby Boomers will be facing this chapter in their lives in a culture that does not give grief the respect or validation it deserves. Grief is an emotion that our society does not want to discuss. It has become an "off limits" subject in our culture. READ MORE

Please note: Due to the sensitive nature of the articles the content has not been edited. This is to enable the Author to portray their true feeling surrounding the subject.


		Issue 1 Volume 2, 2010 Christine Dernederlanden Moves from Grief Counsellor to Life Coach Niagara News article by Mike Zettel Christine Dernederlanden became involved with helping people cope with loss a little more than a decade ago, when she was pregnant with her first child, Chelsea. She was at a funeral for her grandmother when she was overcome by a tremendous sense of loss. Turns out it was more than her grieving the loss of a loved one to stroke. At the time, Dernederlanden was finally coming to terms with something that happened when she was a teenager. When Dernederlanden was 14, her older brother, Robert, died after accidently falling from a ledge near Niagara Falls. Though it wasn’t a conscious decision, Dernederlanden didn’t allow herself to grieve for her brother, or even acknowledge he was gone. It was almost like she forgot he was ever in her life. “I really didn’t understand what was happening,” she said. “Everything seemed so surreal.” Even a doctor she visited later to check out a growth on her leg commented that if she didn’t talk about what was inside, it would eventually kill her. It was at her grandmother’s funeral, several years later, that it finally came out. “All of a sudden it hit me,” she said. Dernederlanden soon locked herself in the basement and put her thoughts to paper, ending up with a children’s book, “Where is Robert?”, which deals with loss. She printed off 1,000 copies using her own money because it was impossible to convince any publisher it would be a worthwhile venture. Then the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, occurred. And suddenly, she received a call from an emergency response team request 5,000 copies. Dernederlanden spent the next few years on the road counselling family members of victims of the attacks and others who have experienced loss. Locally, she also counselled students and teachers at Gainsborough Public School after seven children were killed in a fire in 2004. About a year ago, Dernederlanden came home, deciding to put an end to her career as a grief counsellor, focusing instead on something more positive: life coaching. READ MORE Not Just a Goldfish by Chrisitne Dernederlanden, C.T.S.S., C.T.R For the last three months, every morning I’ve woken up to a sloppy wet kiss from a white haired American Eskimo. I reach for my slippers and find myself in a game of tug of war with a fluffy cotton ball that barks. I repeatedly ask myself why I put up with her naughty behavior. I walk down the hall towards the washroom in the hopes of not waking up my son. But do you think she could be quiet? No, of course not. I splash water on my face as she sits fidgeting beside me, waiting and begging for me to walk out side with her. I lift my head from the sink to the sound of my son, who barrels out of his room yelling “good morning Tilly you’re the best dog ever.” Prior to Tilly’s arrival we had Jimmy a Gold Fish. My husband promised my son when Walmart close to our home was completed they would go buy a fish. On the grand opening of Walmart they returned home with Jimmy a very orange gold fish. They placed Jimmy in an aquarium they had bought at a garage sale that summer. This seemed like a very simple task of feeding Jimmy once in awhile. Jimmy’s golden fins fluttered in the water every time I came to feed him as if he new who I was. I found myself bonding to this fish. I actually felt silly admitting this. But one day I went to feed Jimmy and he did not come to greet me. Jacob stood at my side and blurted out “why is Jimmy swimming on his side.” I looked down at those big blue eyes of a four year old and I didn’t have the guts to say Jimmy died. I simply explained Jimmy was sleeping. My son accepted this simple answer and went on his way. I sat saddened by the fact that Jimmy had died. But reality hit, Jimmy had to wake up at some point. My son was depending on this. I scooped Jimmy out the aquarium and placed him in a zip lock bag. READ MORE BEYOND DESPAIR: THE CHOICE IS ALWAYS YOURS by Sue Augustine You may not be able to control what happens to you, but you can control what happens within you. As I sat there in the audience, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. During the seminar I was attending, the speaker directed her comment to the entire group, yet I felt as though she were speaking directly to me. “Right now,” she announced, “you are a sum total of all your past choices. You are where you are today because of them.” Her statement made me feel like standing up and shouting, “That’s unfair. Many people are victims of accidents, disabilities, natural disasters, personal losses, or someone else’s inappropriate, immoral, or illegal actions. The pain and suffering they are now experiencing does not have to do with their choices.” At that moment, I could think of many hurtful things that happen to us that are beyond our control, causing us much anguish, heartache, and misery. Because of the adverse circumstances some of us have endured, we are often left in a state of despair or despondency, devoid of hope that we will ever recover or be fully healed. READ MORE THE NOTION OF “CLOSURE” by Luleta Brown Not long after my loss, some people brought up the subject of “finding closure.” I was able to move forward in my grief only when I stopped looking for closure and started looking for hope. On December 7, 2003, life for me as I knew it came to a screeching halt: our healthy unborn son, just 4 days shy of his due date, died from strangulation after getting entangled in his umbilical cord. It was a miracle how this baby even came to be. My husband and I got married late in life, and we thought this window was closed to us because of my age. However I got pregnant a number of times. Each pregnancy ended in miscarriage. Finally, we accepted that this was not to be, and we made the decision to move on with our lives. READ MORE ENERGY FOR LIFE by Bob Koehler How much "Energy" we have at any given time has a huge impact on the quality of our lives. As a motivational speaker, I often present my "Energy For Life" topics to teach people how NOT TO WASTE their energy needlessly. In my presentations, I ask people to make a list of things that drain their energy. READ MORE DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE by Connie Manning I have been a RPN for 23 years, and I have loved every minute of my job. For the last 13 years of my nursing career, I have worked on a 12-bed Hospice/Palliative Care Unit. Working on this unit has changed my life. I had no idea when I took this new job that the road I was on would be so incredible and life changing. Working with the terminally ill and their families has been an honour. I had been working on the Palliative Care Unit for two weeks when I passed by a patient’s room. She was standing in the doorway with her two-year-old son on her hip. She was very thin - I wondered how she could hold him. I stopped to admire her child. We talked for a few minutes and I found out that my daughter Bailey and her son where exactly the same age, born only two days apart. I thought to myself, “that could be me standing in the doorway. I am no different from this young woman. Who would help my two children if something happened to me?” My husband is wonderful, but he would be overwhelmed looking after two young children. I would want someone to help - someone to reach out to them in their time of grief. READ MORE MALE GRIEF AND THE GENDER GAP by Tom Easthope It has been said that men and women come from different planets. I believe when it comes to loss, we all come from the same place. I call it the land of cherished memories, unfulfilled dreams, and broken hearts. Having said that, I think men and women, although from the same place, tend to travel different paths. Some experts suggest that the difference between masculine and feminine grieving techniques may be affected by physiological factors. As an example, when it comes to the production of tears, it has been noted that diminishing levels of specific hormones in males has an effect on the volume of tears shed by men compared to the greater volume shed by women. Research also indicates that the differences in the physical brain structure of men and women may have an effect on our grieving patterns. This being the case, it may explain why women seem more articulate in the expression of their feelings. READ MORE THE PROFOUND IMPACT OF MY MILD BRAIN INJURY by Tom Dow Isn’t it funny how when people first meet, they want to find a way to place each other in a frame of reference? I remember in university that the first thing you asked a new acquaintance was, “What’s your major?” As a teacher, the first thing I want to know when I meet another teacher is what grade they teach. At a recent conference, I realized that as part of the ABI community, the first thing everyone wants to know is how you got your injury. This has always created a bit of a problem for me. You see, I do have a brain injury that has profoundly affected my life and the lives of people around me, but I didn’t spend even one night in a hospital. I was never in a coma, and I never struggled bravely to come back from the brink of death. Telling my story often makes me feel like I shouldn’t complain at all. I was on my way to work one beautiful fall morning when I stopped at a traffic light. I waited for the light to turn green and proceeded into the intersection. A van traveling to my right did not see the red light and struck my car. I was pushed about a hundred feet and was knocked unconscious. I remember coming to and hearing the sounds of the rescue workers. I remember looking at the ceiling of the ambulance and answering the paramedics questions. I knew who I was and I knew that I had a wife and four kids to get home to. I also remember feeling like I had to get to work. I was very worried that no one would be there to meet my class when the bell rang. READ MORE TEENS COPING WITH LOSS DUE TO SUICIDE by Melanie Rosa Dealing with grief is never easy. When it comes to a loss due to suicide it often complicates things even further. In fact, Suicide grief is often referred to as complicated grief. This means that not only do those who have lost a loved one due to suicide have to deal with all the pain and grief that is associated with loss, they may also have very intense feelings of guilt, responsibility, and anger. On top of these feelings they have to cope with the negative stigma that is often attached to suicide. Many people don’t understand suicide, and what it means to have lost someone who completed suicide. A loss due to suicide can be one of the most difficult and traumatic things that a person may experience in their lifetime. That is why someone who is struggling with type of loss is called a suicide survivor. Did you notice that the word suicide was used many times in the previous paragraph? That was done intentionally. Why? Suicide is not a bad word. It is not something that should be whispered. It’s not shameful, or sinful, or bad. Suicide is difficult, traumatic, and definitely not easy to talk about. There is much pain tied into suicide: the pain of the person who died, and the pain of the loved ones who lost them. You can almost understand why people don’t want to talk about it. But if we don’t talk about it, we can’t heal from it, and we can’t prevent it from happening to someone else. The word suicide often makes people uncomfortable, and if you are reading this and lost someone in this way, part of you may feel that you wished people could have talked about it more openly. If more people were comfortable talking about suicide, perhaps more people would be willing to get help before it’s too late. READ MORE OUR PRECIOUS KATHLEEN by Dorinda Kruger Allen It was almost ten years ago when I was expecting the birth of my first child that everything went so suddenly wrong. My husband Mark and I had married nearly two years previously with the expectation of starting a family as soon as we could. We were thrilled when we quickly found out we were expecting and embarked on the pregnancy with hopeful anticipation. It became a somewhat complicated pregnancy requiring more medical intervention than we had at first anticipated, but we made the adjustments that our obstetrician recommended and followed his instructions closely. It was a shock when during a routine doctor’s visit, I found myself being rushed to the hospital for an emergency cesarean section. The doctor discovered that my baby was in distress. Kathleen was born at full term, apparently healthy, beautiful, and perfect - but not breathing. She died shortly after her delivery despite all attempts to resuscitate her. We were devastated. Nothing we experienced before could have prepared us for this. We went from picking out baby clothes to choosing a casket. Our family and friends were left trying to imagine how best to help us as we all struggled with this unexpected loss. READ MORE Nobody Wants to Talk About It -Baby Boomers Face Grief by Jane Galbraith Baby Boomers are in for a shock!!! We may think that we are prepared for the sadness that will accompany our parents' death. In fact we are usually totally unprepared for this life experience. To lose the people in your life that have always been there and know you the best is a life-altering event. I was sure that I understood the pain that would accompany the eventual death of my mother. Professionally I was a nurse and involved in palliative care and bereavement counselling so I was sure that I was prepared. I was wrong!! I quickly realized that this experience could only be described as a total assault on your being. You experience both psychological and physical symptoms that are confusing and disturbing. I became concerned about my friends who had not yet experienced this pain. This generation has had an enormous impact on many of our cultural and societal norms. This will be no exception!! Baby Boomers have had many advantages compared with previous generations but limited experience with suffering the consequences of events such as world wars and depression. Grief causes physical and emotional pain. Baby Boomers have come to expect instant pain relief in this fast paced society. They are impatient with pain but unfortunately there isn't a quick fix for the pain of grief. Unfortunately Baby Boomers will be facing this chapter in their lives in a culture that does not give grief the respect or validation it deserves. Grief is an emotion that our society does not want to discuss. It has become an "off limits" subject in our culture. READ MORE Please note: Due to the sensitive nature of the articles the content has not been edited. This is to enable the Author to portray their true feeling surrounding the subject.